American Girl Online

Years ago, while Kris Jenner soldered together diodes and transistors late at night in her Calabasas laboratory, well before she even began kidnapping virgin runaways to steal their skin to fashion the exoskeletons of her she-bot daughters, she dreamed a dream that can only be fathomed by the truly ambitious, to see her commercial she-bots pimping the shizz out of merchandise on the greatest stage of all — the Super Bowl TV commercial. So was it written, so it was done. Last night, Kim Kardashian made it to the pinnacle of pimpdom, pushing workout shoes while flashing her curvaceous and sand-blasted body in her footwear fantastic big game commercial. No denying that android looked mega-toned. And I’m sure there are a million and one women gobbling up those sneakers today in hopes of reaching plasticine perfection. So win-win for the commercial, but mega-win for Kris Jenner, a simple mom with a simple plan.